'Intellectual Suicide' or My Response to "Thrill of the Chase"

On Monday evening, intent on having a good sit down and listen to the new Pete Doherty solo album, I was reminded I'd agreed to go with Laura to her Salvation Army Cell Group meeting.

Despite my perennial misgivings, I knew it was time to put my non-beliefs to one side and support her for an evening. Plus, the people in her group are a good laugh to be around, far from the bible-bashing cliche.

Coincidentally, their discussion that particular evening was on faith, trust and belief and the difference between all three (quite a tricky one I'm sure you'll agree). Much like Dr Watts in his recent 'Thrill of the chase' blog, I began to find myself harking back to Descartes and his unquestioning belief in God.

I've long understood that Christian belief requires a leap of faith, but it was referred to in our discussions on Monday as being seen by some as an 'intellectual suicide'. I'd never heard it put like that before and it seemed to sum up perfectly my issue with 'faith' i.e. that you can't come to faith, through logical, intellectual discussion or consideration - a point at odds with my secular upbringing. Ultimately, you have to take that unquestioning step into the unknown, not on the basis of fact but by an inward trust you have that it is right.

Then we came to 'doubt' (another core concept for Descartes). Bravely I thought, some people talked of times when they had doubted their faith and, to my surprise, it was universally agreed that sometimes being doubtful was a good thing. If there wasn't any doubt at all, then what would be the value of faith? Is it because of these doubts that faith is so cherished?

The example given is that of a father with two sons of similar age. He stands in a swimming pool beckoning to them to jump in. One dashes for the pool and jumps without a moments hesitation. The other is not so sure, but after 2 minutes eventually jumps in too. The point is that although the second son doubted the advice of his father, he still took the leap eventually. He has no less faith than his brother but, in the eyes of his father, just wasted time whilst dallying.

Now I'm not saying that I'm a convert, far from it, but I could certainly see the point. Does it matter that I have these intellectual doubts about the existence of God? Am I merely messing around with insignificant questions and wasting my time? In the end, is the quest for a higher truth, whether religious or otherwise, more important than the logical apprehensions that my mind keeps putting in the way?

Perhaps it is and perhaps it isn't but I can see more and more what old 'Des' was on about either way.